Ray Stevens Freddie Feelgood

Well they got a tight little unit you know they’re the most

Famous all over from coast to coast

A-really layin’ down the sound as much as you can stand (yeah, yeah)

They got 3 outfits a red yellow and blue

Volkswagon station wagon, luggage carrier too

Got their name painted on the side you know it looks so grand

I’m talkin’ ’bout Freddie Feelgood and his Funky Little Five Piece Band

Whoa yeah

They got a drummer named Yum-Yum he can really go some

Blows real cool, makes all the girls drool [drum noises]

They got a cat named Ace, he blows the bass [bass noises]

They got another named Tyrone he plays trompone [trombone noises]

Cat named Percy, have mercy, plays piano in the treble cleff [piano]

And the trumpet man, he’s the leader of the band

Yeah that’s Freddie Feelgood hisself [obnoxious trumpet noises]

Ahh, work out now!

[“Band” plays]

Well they’re packin’ ’em in every place they go

Everybody starts to rockin’ on the dancehall floor

Stompin’ their feet to the rhythm and clappin’ their hands (yeah, yeah)

Yeah you can bet everybody’s gonna have a good time

‘Cause the music they play you know it sounds so fine

It’s the kind with a down-home beat that you can understand

I’m talkin’ ’bout Freddie Feelgood and his Funky Little Five Piece Band

Whoa yeah

Ahh, work out now!

[“Band” plays again]

Ray Stevens Bridget The Midget

Well come on down to the go go, we’re down on the strip

If you want to get hip to a brand new trip

They got a new soul singer, she’s really dynamite

Jam up, jelly tight, out of sight, alright, ow!

Well, she may be small, just two feet tall

But if you give her half a chance she’ll pin you to the wall

She’s a little showstopper, you’re gonna have a ball

She can sing, she can dance, she can really do it all, yeah

And now, ladies and gentlemen, without further adue

It is indeed a great pleasure to introduce to you

Held over for three weeks and getting rave reviews

Here’s Bridget the midget, the queen of the blues

Here’s Bridget, hahahaha

Thank you folks, haha

Thank you

I want to know something

Do you feel alright? (Yeah)

Oh, come on now, you can do better than that

Do you feel alright? (Yeah!)

Wow, that makes me feel so good

Let me hear it again

Do you feel alright? (Yeah!)

Oooh, ooohooohooohoo

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hahahaha

Alright, hahaha

Alright, hahaha

Here we go now

Is everybody ready?

Here we go, everybody sock it to me

Yohohohoho (Yohohohoho), hahahaha

Yohohohoho (Yohohohoho)

Oooh, yeaheah! (Yeaheaheah!)

Well, come on everybody have you heard the news

Bridget’s in town put on your rockin’ shoes

Into my bag and doing my thing

Rock it to me, sock it to me, listen to me sing

Singing oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh, oooh

Oh I dig it, I really dig it

Hey, get away from the stage there, fellow!

But I dig it

Now folks get ready for an extra special treat

She can lay down a beat she’s a real intranser

Here’s Bridget the midget and her flying feet

The worlds one and only go-go tapdancer, go!

Hahahaha

Oooh!

Oho, I dig it, I really dig it

Hey, sit down, fellwo, you can’t come up on the stage

But I dig it, oh!

Now here’s the moment we’ve all waited for

Three singing little cuties that we all adore

You’ve heard them with Bridget on all of her hits

They lay down a groove and the sound never quits

They got what it takes, there ain’t no doubt

Strawberry and The Shortcakes, work it on out, ow!

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop)

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop) Oh, let me hear it!

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop) How precious!

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop)

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop) Yeah

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop)

Well, come on, everybody, have you heard the news?

Bridget’s in town, put on your rockin’ shoes

Into my bag and doing my thing

Rock it to me, sock it to me, listen to me sing

Singing oooh!

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop)

(Shoobydoo-wop-wop)

Oh, I dig it, I really dig it!

Hey, watch it! You can’t do that, fellow!

But I dig it, I love you, Bridget!

Get back there, get back!

Ray Stevens Safe At Home

Remember back when working hard

That baseball games and grandma jar

Appetites grew strong in the Georgia sun

‘Bout the time you could smell the meal

With clean hand in center field

Someone would holler at, “Dinners on”

And no matter who the battle won

We’d stop and drop our baseball gloves

Head for the water pump to wash our hands

All stars bowed their heads in grace

Each one with its own home plate

Filled with the fruits of their labor from our land

And we were family

Family with resemblances too strong for us to see

We’re family, ageless family

And safe at home is all we longed to be

I can still see little brother’s face

As he slit wide eyed in the second base

And countless times I’ve wished we could return

It’s in that moment seems so clear

Just who we are, why we’re here

And I pray that someday soon the world will learn

We’re family

Big family with resemblances too strong for us to see

We’re family, ageless family

And safe at home is all we longed to be

Ray Stevens Shriner’s Convention

Yeah, they come down Main Street, drums a flailing

Sirens a-wailin’, what a roar

Bands are a-playin’ and flags are a-wavin’

And the vanguard’s a motorcycle corps

Clowns are a-clownin’ through the crowd and pinchin’

Every pretty girl who dares to smile

It’s a glorious mess, everybody wears a fez

The parade stretches out for miles

[Chorus:]

It’s a typical American phenomenon

Where all the members have a fine old time

It’s the forty-third annual convention

Of the Grand Mystic Royal Order

Of the Nobles of the Ali Baba Temple of the Shrine

Meanwhile back at the motel…

[Spoken:]

Operator, give me room three-twenty-one, please. Hello? Noble Lumpkin? This here’s the ‘Lustr’ous Potentate. I said it’s the ‘Lustr’ous Potentate. The Illustr’ous… Coy? Dad-blame it, this here’s Bubba. Coy, why ain’t you at the parade? What? Well, how’d you get that big Harley up there in your room? What? I cain’t hear ya, Coy, quit revvin’ it up, boy. Turn it off. I just want you to know one thing. You have embarr’ssed us all, the whole Hahira delegation. Now, I’ll see you at the banquet, son, and you be there, Coy, you hear me? Black tie, seb’n o’clock. Be there, Coy. And Coy, don’t answer the phone Uddn’uddn.

Well, it was all arranged by the ladies’ auxiliary

In the downtown convention hall

Cold roast beef, string beans, mashed potatoes

And nine boring speeches in all

And all the tables looked fine with their Mogan David wine

And chrysanthemums on each side

And the Hahira leaders in their rented tuxedos

Made the local heart swell with pride

[Chorus]

Meanwhile back at the motel…

[Spoken:]

Operator? Three-twenty-one, please. Thank you. Hello, Coy, what are you doin’? Whaddaya mean, who is this. This is Bubba. Why wasn’t you at the banquet? Whaddaya mean, all you had to wear was a Hawaiian flowerdy shirt? Well, you may think you’re foolin’ some people, but I know what’s goin’ on. Everybody’s seen the little red-head. That’s right, ever’body. Why, she come runnin’ through the dinner, right in the middle of the pineapple sherbert. Didn’t have nothin’ on but yer fez, Coy. Coy, you the only one’s got a fez with a propeller on top. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, and she’s yellin’ out the secret code, too, Coy. We goin’ have to change it now. Dad blame it, Coy, we goin’ have to have a special meetin’ when we get to Hahira about yer conduct at this here convention. Embarrassing. Now Coy, you be at the secret conclave tonight, you hear me? And keep it a secret. Hoo!

Well, it was a secret meeting in the dead of the night

With mysterious sanctimony

In accordance with prescribed rituals

A time-honored ceremony

Matters of grave concern were weighed with dedicated caution

Like whether or not to raise at stud

Or draw at spit-in-the-ocean

[Chorus]

Meanwhile back at the motel…

[Spoken:]

Operator, room three-twenty-… H-how’d you know? Oh. Hello, Coy? Where h-have you been? No-o-o, you wasn’t at the meeting. Well, I found out that at three o’clock this morning you’s out there in your fruit-of-the looms in the motel swimmin’ pool, bunch o’ them waitresses from the cocktail hour. Huh, I just hope Charlene don’t find out about this, Coy. What? Well, how’d you get that big motorsickle up there on the high dive, Coy? Now Coy, dad burnit, that ain’t no way to act. We s’posed to be pillars of the community. ‘N we get back to Hahira, you can just turn in your ring, and your tie-tack. ‘Cause Coy, you are out of the Shrine. You goin’ be blackballed, Coy. That’s right, you may have t’ pack yer bags and leave town. What do you mean, you might join the Hell’s Angels? Coy, hoo, don’t you hang up on me. No, don’t you crank that motorsickle. Who’s that gigglin’ in the background, Coy? Hello? Hello? Operator, we’s cut off. Yeah, room three-twenty-one. Coy???

Ray Stevens Everything Is Beautuful

Jesus loves the little children

All the children of the world

Pretty yellow black and white

They are precious in his sight

Jesus loves the little children of the world

Everything is beautiful

In it’s own way

Like a starry summer night

On a snow covered winter’s day

And everybody’s beautiful

In their own way

Under God’s heaven

The world’s gonna find a way

There is none so blind

As he who will not see

We must not close our minds

We must let our thoughts be free

For every hour that passes by

You know the world gets a little bit older

It’s time to realize that people lies

In the eyes of the beholder

And everything is beautiful

In it’s own way

Like a starry summer night

On a snow covered winter’s day, ah sing it children

And everybody’s beautiful

In their own way

Under God’s heaven

The world’s gonna find a way

We shouldn’t care about the length of his hair

Of the color of his skin

Don’t worry about what shows from without

But the love that lives within

We’re gonna get old again now

Everything is gonna work out fine

Just take a little time to the calm good side my friend

And spittle in out in your mind

And everything is beautiful

In it’s own way

Like a starry summer night

On a snow covered winter’s day, ah sing it children

And everybody’s beautiful

In their own way

Under God’s heaven

The world’s gonna find a way, one more time

Everything is beautiful

In it’s own way

Like a starry summer night

On a snow covered winter’s day

Ray Stevens Haircut Song

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home

When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known

Since you were a little bitty boy sittin’ in a booster chair

Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair

Well, Butte, Montana just a’passin’ through, one thing I just had to do

Had to get a haircut and I was worried for my hair, oh

I had a feeling of impending doom the minute I stepped into that room

Laid my eyes upon that barber chair

[Recitation:]

It was a macho barber shop. Hair dryers were mounted on a rifle rack. There were no mirrors. The barber chair was a Peterbilt…Barber walked in; he was huge, seven feet tall, three hundred pounds of spring steel and rawhide wearin’ a hard hat, chewin’ a cigar, had a t-shirt on said, “I hate musicians”. Threw me in the chair, sneered and said, “What’ll it be pal?” Now a lot of people would be intimidated in a situation like this…I was not. I am what I am, play my piano, and sing my little songs. I looked him right in the eye and I said, “I’m a logger – just up from Coos Bay, Oregon. Been toppin’ trees – quite possibly the tough…[cough] toughest man in the entire world”. He said, “All right!” he gave me a haircut and I walked out of there friends, my hair was gone! Made Kojak look like William Lee Golden. Yeah, had a tremendous craving to operate heavy equipment. Now, you may think that Butte, Montana haircut’s the worst any man could ever get…Wrong!

Well, a few months later, I was way down south – grits and gravy and hush your mouth Hair so long I’m startin’ to look like a man in drag It was then that the sheriff walked up and said, “Boy, you got too much hair on your head…You better get yourself a haircut or a dog tag”

[Recitation:]

Well, when I stepped into the shop, I realized immediately that I was dealing with a born-again barber. Don’t see too many barber shops with a steeple, had an organ in the corner, a choir, an usher led me to the barber chair. Barber walked in, started saying grace, “Oh Lord, for these haircuts we are about to receive, may we be truly thankful. Dominus possum pax probiscus, post mortem, et tu brute, puella carborundum”. He was sorta half-Baptist, half-Catholic…maybe a Cathtist. He started cuttin’ my hair and preachin’ at the same time. I mean he’s a wild man, scissors and razors a’flyin’ around my head, he’s talkin’about the evils of dancin’ and drinkin’ and liquor and sex and wild women and music and the music business. Then he looked down at me and he said, “What do you do for a livin’ahuh?” Now, I’m not ashamed of what I do for a livin’. Workin’ bars and casinos, around liquor and wild women, I just play my piano, sing my little songs. I looked him right in the eye and I said, “I run this church for loggers!”

When you get a haircut, be sure to go back home

When you get a haircut, get a barber you have known

Since you were a little bitty boy sittin’ in a booster chair

Or you might look like Larry, Moe or Curly if a stranger cuts your hair…oh yeah!

Ray Stevens I’m Kissing You Goodbye

Well, the first time we met dear, you flashed that come on smile

Your steamy eyed glances nearly drove me wild

So we drove out to the country and parked beneath the stars

When you fogged up my windshield and set my soul afire

Well, you moved into my place that very same night

I was so happy it was love at first sight

But one day I came home early the very next week

Found a man in my closet said he’s playing hide and seek

Now I may be stupid but I’ll never understand

Why he was playing hide and seek with all his clothes in his hand

So get your feet off of my table get shoes from under my bed

Get your hat off of my hat rack, put it on your head

Get your coat out of my closet, put it on your back

Get your Ferlin Husky records, darlin’, it’s time for you to pack

Get your arms from around me – it ain’t no use to try

Get your tongue out of my mouth cause I’m kissing you goodbye

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – and wipe off that silly grin

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – ain’t no telling where it’s been

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – don’t try that again

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth…

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Git yer tongue outta my mouf!

Lets just say adios with a kiss and a sigh

Get your tongue outta my mouth cause I’m kissing you goodbye

Well the flame has flickered and the passion has cooled

I hate to lose you darling but I won’t be fooled

‘Cause you just can’t be true dear, you’re spreading it around

You’ve shattered all that mattered, gonna have to put you down

Get your dog outta my dog house, your cat outta my tree

Get your bird outta my bird cage, I’m settin’ you free

Get your toothbrush outta ma bathroom, your stockins off my line

Get your curlers off offa dresser, darlin’, you ain’t no friend of mine

Get your arms from around me – I won’t believe your lies

Get your tongue outta my mouth, ’cause I’m kissin’ you goodbye

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – and wipe off that silly grin

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – ain’t no telling where it’s been

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth – don’t try that again

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Outta my mouth…

[Singers:] Get your tongue… [Ray:] Git yer tongue outta my mouf!

Lets just say adios with a kiss and a sigh

Get your tongue outta of my mouth, ’cause I’m kissin’ you goodbye!

[Singers:] Get your tongue out of my mouth

[Ray:] Come on now!

Ray Stevens Osama Yo’ Mama

Osama – yo’ mama didn’t raise you right

When you were young she must have wrapped yo’ turban too tight

She should have kept you home on those arabian nights

It’s plain to see – you need to stay out of those fights

Osama – yo’ mama could have done a lot better

Though I bet every day you did somethin’ to upset her

By the way, we got an answer to your anthrax letter

New York City’s where it’s from – its the news header

And I can hear yo’ mama sayin’ now, “You in a heap o’ trouble son

Now just look what you’ve done!

Saw you on TV with yo’ gun

Mercy sakes, I can’t do a thing with you hon.”

And I can just hear dubyah sayin’, “You in a heap ‘o trouble boy

And I don’t think you will enjoy

Our game of search and destroy

We got your terror right here, son yu sure are the real mecoy.

Osama – yo’ mama didn’t teach you how to act

You’ve crossed the line too far this time, there ain’t no turnin’ back

You’re startin’ to remind us of another maniac

Yeah, you know what we shoud of stuffed you in an over sized sack!

Osama – yo’ mama didn’t teach you to behave

Now they say you’re hangin’ with the bats in a cave

Well, pullin’ off that sneak attack was not too brave

Kinda makes us wonder if your digging your own grave?

And I can hear yo’ mama sayin’ again, “You in a heap o’ trouble son

Now just look what you’ve done

Saw you on TV with yo’ gun

Mercy sakes, you need to settle down hon!

And I can just hear dubyah sayin’, “You in a heap ‘o trouble boy

And I don’t think you will enjoy

Our game of search and destroy

We have made a son that is a real mecoy!

Osama yo’ karma’s really got you in a jam

But that’s just what you get – when you mess with Uncle Sam

Osama the Taliban is history

Nobody wants to see you startin’ World War Three

Osama you know the al-Qaida won’t last

Osama, just like you, it’s future’s in the past

Lets just pray your mama will be plastered!

because oshama you sure are a basturd!

Ray Stevens The Ballad Of The Blue Cyclone

Blue Cyclone, Oooh…

Well my wife went out of town ’bout a year or so back

And left me at home by myself to batch,

And after five straight nights of TV I was ready to scream.

So I called up this beer drinkin’ buddy of mine

And said, “Bill, I ain’t havin’ a real good time.”

He said, “Why don’t we go to the wrasslin’ matches and let off

a little steam?”

Now I’d never seen the matches before

And by the time we reached that arena door,

The crowd was already backed up plumb out into the street.

Yeah, people were pushin’ and shovin’ like cattle,

Just gettin’ in line was a heck of a battle,

We had to fight like the devil, but we finally got ring-side seats.

Well, we bought a program as we passed through the door,

Went to section D, seats 3 and 4

And about that time, the announcer stepped into the ring.

He said, “Tonight’s the greatest card ever been signed,

We got a tag-team match that’ll blow yer mind!”

Then they lowered the lights and the crowd began to scream.

He introduced the Spider from parts unknown,

With his trusty partner, The Blue Cyclone.

They were takin’ on a team that never had been beat.

Then the ref checked ’em over and the rules were explained,

And somebody hollered, “THE SPIDER’S GOT A CHAIN!!”

Then some old lady with blue hair fell right out of her seat.

Well they rang the bell and all Hell broke loose,

My legs was shakin’ like a rubber goose

I’d never seen anything like this, not even in the war!

The Cyclone put the Vulture in an airplane spin

Then he body slammed him, and then he did it again

I swear I didn’t see how that ‘ol boy could take much more.

It was right about then in the thick of things

That my buddy Bill threw a chair in the ring

And I knew we’d better be headin’ for the door.

‘Cause I saw the Cyclone lookin’ at us

And he was rubbin’ his head and he’s startin’ to cuss

And I knew if he caught us he’d break Bill’s neck for sure.

Well, where we parked wasn’t too far

And Bill ran so fast he beat me to the car,

Locked the doors and wasn’t about to let anyone in.

And I turned around and the Cyclone was there

And he said, “Hey punk, you forgot your chair!”

And by the look in his eyes, I knew that this was the end.

Then he body slammed me two or three times

And he put his arms around me from behind

Then he pile-drived me right there in the hard concrete.

Broke both my arms and three of my ribs

It’s the closest I’ve ever come to being killed

And that’s the last thing I remember ‘fore he put me to sleep

Blue Cyclone,

He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known

He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan,

He’ll lay you prone and break your bones

Blue Cyclone….

I woke up in a hospital bed,

Stars a-circlin’ around my head,

And a plaster cast on just about every bone.

But the doctor said I’d be just fine,

“These things just take a little time…”

And three weeks later, he let me go back home.

But I laid in bed three weeks just thinkin’

“I believe I coulda took him if I hadn’t been drinkin’,

So the next time we meet, I won’t be on no binge.

“Cause I hadn’t been the same since we had that fight,

And I’d see that Cyclone in my dreams at night,

And I won’t be satisfied ’til I get revenge…”

Well, the first thing my wife said when I got home

Was, “You’d better leave that Cyclone alone”.

She said, “You might not be so lucky next time.”

So, I says to her, “Beg your pardon, ma’am,

But it wasn’t YOU who got the body slam,”

Then I changed the subject, ’cause I done made up my mind.

Then I called up Bill and told him my plan

And all he said was, “Right on, man!

I’d do the same durn thing if it’d been me.

It all happened so quick when that car door slammed,

It musta broke something, ’cause the door locks jammed.

You was already down, he’s gone time I got free.”

Bill said, “Since yer thinkin’ ’bout takin’ him again,

I know two ol’ boys who weigh 210.

They’d wade through hell just to fight a circle saw.

They both lift weights, so you know they’re mean

And the four of us would make a heck of a team.

We might not win, but we’d durn-sure fight to a draw.”

Well, we talked it over, they said they’s willin’

They’d stop at nothing, short of killin’.

Said “Hoss, we’ll back you as long as you wanna fight.”

So I checked around at a few of the bars

And found out where all the wrasslin’ stars

Hung out after the matches every Wednesday night.

Well, I got there early the following week,

And found me a table where I could see the street

And waited for the Blue Cyclone to hit the door.

Well, after a while, he finally appeared,

Sat down at the bar, and ordered a beer

And he barely took a sip ‘fore I stepped to the middle of the floor.

I yelled, “Hey Cyclone! Remember me?

I’m the guy you put to sleep,

Only this time, you can see I’m not alone. Ha ha.

You see them two big dudes over there?”

The Cyclone looked and said, “Over where?”

And I turned around, and I’m a son of a gun, they was gone!

Then the Cyclone looked at me and grinned

And he said, “Okay punk, here we go again.

It seems to me that some guys never learn.”

And then he waded through them tables and chairs,

Put a full-nelson on me, and grabbed my hair,

And when he threw me to the floor, I was starting to get concerned.

Then came a birrage of judo chops

And I was beggin’ somebody to call the cops

Before the Cyclone could commit a mortal crime.

I sure breathed a sigh of relief

When I heard them ambulance sirens scream,

‘Cause I’d be dead now, if they hadn’t gotten there on time.

The next thing I remember, they was carryin’ me in

And the doctor said, “Oh no, you again?”

I said, “Doctor, how long you thing it’ll be this time?”

He said, “Boy, if you don’t leave that Cyclone alone,

One of these days, you ain’t goin’ home!

You’ll need the undertaker’s services, not mine.”

Blue Cyclone,

He’s the meanest rascal the ring has ever known

He’ll make you groan, he’ll make you moan,

He’ll lay you prone and break your bones

Blue Cyclone

The Blue Cyclone

Ray Stevens Your Bozo’s Back Again

What do you say when you write with no words?

(Feeling)

Feel a song that’s never been heard?

(Sing it)

How do know if you did it all?

(Answer)

What do you do when you’ve done it all?

(Ball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

Cannonball

It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it

Be anything you want to be

It’s not what you got, it’s how you use it

You be you and I’ll be me

It’s just a matter of style, you can fake it mile after mile

Feeling free

If you got the soul, you can make it

Move ’em out

(Move ’em out)

Let ’em roll

(Let ’em roll)

From sea to shining sea

Ball

(Ball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

What do you do if a mountain is there?

(Move it)

How do you answer to a challenge in today?

(Take it)

When your back’s against the wall?

(Fake it)

What do you do when you’ve done it all?

(Ball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

Cannonball

It’s not what you do, it’s how you do it

Be anything you want to be

It’s not what you got, it’s how you use it

You be you and I’ll be me

It’s just a matter of style, you can fake it mile after mile

Feeling free

If you got the soul you can make it

Move ’em out

(Move ’em out)

Let ’em roll

(Let ’em roll)

From sea to shining sea

Ball

(Ball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball)

Cannonball

(Cannonball, cannonball)