The Dresden Dolls My Alcoholic Friends

I’m counting back

The number of the steps

It took for me to get

Back on the wagon of the weekend

I’ll use the autotimer to prove that

I’ll get home with my imagination

If they find the body in the basement

“in the very house that she was raised in!”

I’m taking down

The number of the Times

So when we get the sign

From god I’ll be the first to call them

I’m taking back the number of the beast

Cause 6 is not a pretty number

8 or 3 are definitely better

A is for the address on the letter

To my alcoholic friends

I’m trying hard

Not to be ashamed

Not to know the name

Of who is waking up beside me

Or the date, the season or the city

But at least the ceiling’s very pretty

And if you are holding it against me

I’ll be on my best behavior

Taking shots for mother nature

Once my fist is in the cupboard

Love is never falling over

Should I choose a noble occupation

If I did I’d only show up late and

Sick and they would stare at me with hatred

Plus my only natural talent’s wasted on my alcoholic friends

My alcoholic friends

The Dresden Dolls Sex Changes

Dear Mr. and/or Mrs. sender

We’re pleased to inform you that your applications been accepted

Starting from the time you get this letter

Your life will be one never-ending

“hope you’re feeling better”

You get your choice of an aesthetic

We’ll need to chop your clock off (tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock)

It might not be what you expected

There is no money back once you’ve been ripped off

Today’s a very special day

The boys’ll murder for it but what will the neighbors say

It leaves you feeling pretty hollow

It might be nice to look at

Don’t forget you’re stuck with it tomorrow (and tomorrow, and tomorrow…)

You’re big enough to stop pretending

You’ll start to really show within a week or so

So don’t go saying it’s just come to your attention

You’ll get more than you’re asking for without the right protection

Today’s a very special day

And how you’d love to have a little thing with which to play

But love wont get you very far

Today be still your beating heart

You’ll have to keep on feeding it tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be boys will be girls with no warning

Girls will be girls will be guys will be boys that don’t cry over toys that they use to beat girls they

Despise by the morning

They always said that sex would change you…

No second thoughts the knife is nearing

You’ll never hear the little pitter patter pitter patter

Of this little feat of engineering

Of course I love you and of course it’s what’s inside that matters

But I think the whole charade is ending

It seems to me to be the only way to keep from getting

Caught up in a long life of regretting

The doctors said that once you get a taste for it you’ll keep on cutting

But while you happen to be here

Why don’t you whisper all those sweet forevers in my ear

Stiff upper lip for all this sorrow

Hurry up and stick it in

You never know when it will end

Tomorrow or tomorrow or tomorrow…

The Dresden Dolls Bad Habit

Biting keeps your words at bay

Tending to the sores that stay

Happiness is just a gash away

When i open a familiar scar

Pain goes shooting like a star

Comfort hasn’t failed to follow so far…

And you might say it’s self-indulgent

You might say its self-destructive

But, you see, it’s more productive

Than if i were to be healthy

& pens and penknives take the blame

Crane my neck & scratch my name

But the ugly marks

Are worth the momentary gain…

When i jab a sharpened object in

Choirs of angels seem to sing

Hymns of hate in memorandum

And you might say it’s self-indulgent

And you might say it’s self-destructive

But, you see, it’s more productive

Than if i were to be happy

And sappy songs about sex and cheating

Bland accounts of two lovers meeting

Make me want to give mankind a beating

And you might say it’s self-destructive

But, you see, i’d kick the bucket

Sixty times before i’d kick the habit

And as the skin rips off i cherish the revolting thought

That even if i quit

There’s not a chance in hell i’d stop

And anyone can see the signs

Mittens in the summertime

Thank you for your pity, you are too kind

And you might say its self-inflicted

But you see that’s contradictive

Why on earth would anyone practice self destruction?

And pain opinions are sitcom feeding

They dont know that their minds are teething

Makes me want to give mankind a beating

I’m tried bandages and sinking

I’ve tried gloves and even thinking

I’ve tried vaseline

I’ve tried everything

And no-one cares if your back is bleeding

They’re concerned with their hair receding

Looking back it was all maltreating

Every thought that occurred misleading

Makes me want to give myself a beating….

The Dresden Dolls Mrs. O

Oh mrs. o

Will you tell us where the naughty children go

Will you show

How the sky turned white and everybody froze

Heaven knows how they got into the fireplace

But everybody’s saying grace

And trying to keep a happy face

And oh mrs. o

Can you teach us how to keep from getting cold

Out we go and you watch us as we face the falling snow

What a show with our hairdryers aimed heavenwards

And fifty foot extension cords

You really have a way with words

The truth can’t save you now

The sky is falling down

Watch the vultures count the hours

April trains may bring strange showers

And oh mrs. o

Will you tell about the time they made you go

All alone to the palace where they took your only clothes

We all know

There’s no hell and no hiroshima

Chernobyl was a cover up

The world is really all in love

Oh mrs o

Will you leave us hanging now that we are grown

Up and old

Will you kill me if i say i told you so

We all know

Ther’es no hitler and no holocaust

No winter and no santa clause

And yes virginia all because

The truth cant save you now

The sky is falling down

Eveything they ever told us

Shakes our faith and breaks their promise

But you can stop the truth from leaking

If you never stop believing……

The Dresden Dolls Sorry Bunch

We’re a sorry bunch

The odds of it are such a drag my darling

I could have lost a hand

You should look where you are going guy

I could have lost my life

But i would lose a hundred fights

Just as long as you were on my side

Just as long as you were on my side

Just as long as you were on my side

Just as long as you were on my side

We’re a sorry bunch

The odds of it are such a bummer darling

So you were lost in thought

It won’t help now to say you’re sorry

Cause they could’ve knocked us off

But i would skip a hundred parties

Just as long as you were invited

Just as long as nobody knew

Just as long as you were invited

Just as long as nobody knew that we were high

(Here’s to alcohol

Here’s to all of y’all

Here’s to all of the things that we take when we want to think like no-one’s listening)

Just as long as long as you were on my side…

The Dresden Dolls First Orgasm

It is a thursday

I get up early

It is a challenge

I’m usually lazy

I make some coffee

I eat some rice chex

And then i sit down

To check my inbox

I only read a word or two

I stare across the street and see the churches and the blue

The first orgasm of the morning

Is cold and hard as hell

There won’t be any second coming

As far as i can tell

I arch my back cause

I’m very close now

It’s very cold here

By the window

There are some school kids

Yelling and running

I barely notice

That i am cumming

The first orgasm of the morning

Is like a fire drill

It’s nice to have a little warning

But not enjoyable

I am too busy to have friends

A lover would just complicate my plans

So i will never look for love again

I’m taking matters into my own hands

I think i could last at least a week without someone to hold me

I think i could last at least a week without someone to hold me

Won’t you hold me?

The Dresden Dolls Dear Jenny

Boys wear overcoats in heat like this to keep themselves from showing

Girls fill out prescriptions for the tricks that keep their hearts from growing

Specialists review the year in tears and call for drastic measures

Send them to resorts for boys and girl to get their wits together

Sad but true the facts of life are bound to get you down

So whats the use dear jenny anyway the world is pretty…

Ashley talks to astronauts back home by way of fax transmission

Andy gets a new tattoo each time his pastor comes to visit

Weary o so drealiy we wave our flags into the camera

Amber goes the hotlines are friends but no-one ever answers

Sad but true the truth can turn your smile to a frown

So whats the use dear jenny anyway the world is pretty

Upside-down…

The rates are better in the summer

Looks like dear jenny’s doing better…

Back at home the broadcast warning bounces off of an empty table

Jenny asks the astronauts to sleep with her behind the stable

Christmas hasn’t been the same since dad put in the central heating

Checks you before bedtime with a battery to keep your new heart beating

And the world might turn a million times around before

They tell you jenny anyway the world is pretty world is pretty happy world is pretty happy

Sometimes they let strangers in and other times they check their records

When they check out in the morning dad puts out the lie detectors

Jenny prays to gods she’ve never heard of for a special hurting

All the walls stay dead as jennys head is

But shes still observing

Sad but true the two of us might really make it through

But whats the use dear jenny anyway

The world is happy

World is happy

World is happy without you…

The rates are better in the summer….

Looks like old jennys doing better…

The Dresden Dolls Truce

You can have washington i’ll take new jersey

You can have london but i want new york city

I should get providence i’ve got a job now

Los angeles – obvious – that’s where you belong now

You can have africa asia australia

As long as you keep your hands off cafe pamplona

We can split germany right down the middle

You’d hate it there anyway

Take berlin and well call it even

You can take all of the carry-on baggage

I’ll trade the saskia jokes for the alphabet language

And special occasions we’ll split between parents

Who forced us to hate them on alternating weekends

You call it over and i call you psycho

Significant other?

Just say we were lovers and we’ll call it even

We’ll call it even

I am the ground zero ex-friend you ordered

Disgused as a hero to get past your borders

I know when i’m wanted i’ll leave when you ask me to

Mind my own business and speak when i’m spoken to

I am the tower around which you orbited

I am not proud i am just taking orders

I fall to the groud within moments of impact

I hit back if hit

And attack if attacked

You get route 2 between concord and lexington

I want mass ave from the sqaure to my apartment

And if we should meet through some misunderstanding

Ill be very sweet very patient and forgiving

(now get off my side of the state)

And if we should meet one another in passing

Despite these techniques there is sometimes no avoiding

(there must be some kind of mistake)

We’ll raise high our white flags and say hi and shake hands

Declaring the land we’re on unamerican

We’ll call it even

I am the tower around which you orbited

I am not proud i am just taking orders

I fall to the groud within moments of impact

I hit back if hit

And attack if attacked

I am an accident waiting to happen

I’m laughing like mad while you strangle the captain

My place may be taken, but make no mistake

From a little black black box i can say without shame

That you’ve lost

Do you know what you’ve lost?

So take whatever you’d like

I’ll strike like the States on fire

You won’t sleep very tight

No hiding

No safe covers

Make your bed and now lie

Just like you always do

You can fake it for the papers but i’m on to you….

The Dresden Dolls Mandy Goes To Med School

I’ve been feeling dull as a coat hanger

Pretty as a picture of a patient on a fresh iv

Giddy as a gangbanger with a set of sutures where his magic johnson ought to be

Yes i’ll tell you just the thing you need to be the next big thing

Let’s start in with a test of your intelligence

And zest for the counter-productive

Up and down and roundabout and out the back

And keep your mouth shut tight

The lights are staying out but no sweat I’ve got aim like a mack truck

Guess how many fingers ok guess how many more i can fit there

Guess right get the toaster but you know, miss, guessing gets you nowhere

I’ve been baking cakes for the enemy

I’ve been dying to find out the hard way

Ive been taking friends to the alleyway

Two down now but who’s counting anyway?

Yes I can do everything you need from out of my new SUV

All my work is guaranteed to last the length of your recovery

Put away those pliers honey trust me cause I know the options

How about a nine-month long vacation and a two-foot coffin

I’ve been getting up close and intimate

Some close calls but I’m getting into it

In some states they say you can burn for it

But ill burn that bridge when i get to it

It’s not a bad thing

To get professional

It’s got a nice ring

Mandy goes to med school

I’ve been taking tips from the government

I’ve been getting damn good at hiding it

Fifty bucks a month ought to cover it

Two down now but who’s gonna notice it?

And if you show up and I am unavailable

My partner brian would love to take care of you

He is a nice man

Thoroughly reliable

He’s in a rock band

And he goes to med school…..

The Dresden Dolls Coin-Operated Boy

Coin operated boy

Sitting on the shelf he is just a toy

But I turn him on and he comes to life

Automatic joy

That is why I want a coin operated boy

Made of plastic and elastic

He is rugged and long-lasting

Who could ever ever ask for more

Love without complications galore

Many shapes and weights to choose from

I will never leave my bedroom

I will never cry at night again

Wrap my arms around him and pretend….

Coin operated boy

All the other real ones that I destroy

Cannot hold a candle to my new boy and I’ll

Never let him go and I’ll never be alone [x2]

Not with my coin operated boy……

This bridge was written to make you feel smittener

With my sad picture of girl getting bitterer

Can you extract me from my plastic fantasy

I didn’t think so but I’m still convincible

Will you persist even after I bet you

A billion dollars that I’ll never love you

Will you persist even after I kiss you

Goodbye for the last time

Will you keep on trying to prove it?

I’m dying to lose it…

I’m losing… my confidence

I want it

I want you

I want a coin operated boy.

And if I had a star to wish on

For my life I cant imagine

Any flesh and blood could be his match

I can even take him in the bath

Coin operated boy

He may not be real experienced with girls

But I know he feels like a boy should feel

Isn’t that the point that is why I want a

Coin operated boy

With his pretty coin operated voice

Saying that he loves me that hes thinking of me

Straight and to the point

That is why I want

A coin operated boy.