The Midnight Beast Begging

Hey darling, let’s not be coy

You’re just a girl and I’m just a boy

He’s just a boy that wants to have sex

Let us be serious, you could be next.

If you’re lucky, you might fuck me

In a two bedroom flat, in Putney

Then you got with Ash

Woopdy Doo

Wasn’t that your ambition to do?

Why don’t you want him?

I got a perfect body baby

And if you want him

I even think that I would shave it

Got a super power

I can last for half an hour

We can misbehave

Oooo

Baby, when the world ends

You’re gonna be begging me for sex

We’ll be the only people that are left to resurrect

In civilisation

You’re gonna be begging me for juice

We’ll be the only people that are left to reproduce

So when the world ends, ends, ends

If you wanna role play with me

I’ll part your legs

Like Moses to sea

I could be Adam

And you could be Eve

Lend me a bush, I’ll plant a seed

That’s offensive to religion

Oooo

But I just had a sensual vision

So?

I think we’re subtle, I’ll give a clue

I got a boner pick with you

Please I’m begging

For the sake of saving human kind

He’s wearing jeggings

With the hope that it could make you mine

So don’t be bitchy

They’re kind of itchy

This could be our time

Baby, when the world ends

You’ll never be able to say no

I’ll be the only boy until you’ll have to have a go

You’re gonna be desperate

You’re gonna be begging me for kids

We’ll need to save the world so I won’t have to use a lid

Then when the worlds ends

Wohh Ohh Oh

Oh baby when the worlds ends

Wohh Ohh Oh

So don’t be frigid baby

You and me could have a baby

Come on baby, don’t act shady

I’m your man and you’re my lady

Baby

When the world ends

You’re gonna be begging me for sex

I’ll be the only boy who you have left to get erect

You’re gonna be desperate

You’re gonna be begging me for juice

We’ll be the only people that are left to reproduce

So when the world ends

Wohh Ohh Oh

Oh baby, when the world ends

Wohh Ohh Oh

Baby when the world ends, ends, ends

Baby when the world ends, ends, ends

Baby when the world ends!

The Midnight Beast Booty Call

I’m with my friends having a sleepover at mine

Mum said lights off but they’re still on at half nine

There’s nothing gay bout doing nails and doing hair

There’s nothing gay bout three boys playing truth or dare

That’s when my brush vibrated right between my legs

To my surprise it was my phone instead

Dru makes an interception,

Grabs my phone out my hand,

“Hello you’ve reached The Midnight Beast,

You’re ruining our plans”

B-DOUBLE-O-T-Y

It’s three over average girls

Calling three under average guys

We’re fucked up and we’re ready to play

We wanna do things we’ll regret the next day

HEY

NO! I wanna play cluedo with my bro’s

NO! I wanna paint rainbows on my toes

NO! I don’t wanna ho, I want a comforting look

When Noah kisses Allie in The Notebook

BOOTY, BOOTY

It’s just a booty call

BOOTY, BOOTY

Even if you’re boo-tee-full

HEY, HEY

It’s just a booty call

HEY, HEY

Now my phones on silent

They still call on private number

I can’t believe this desperation to disturb my slumber

Party, I’m in my dressing gownie

While Ashley’s making brownies

Dru is in the back room playing twister on his own

HELL YEAH

We’re wearing our Jim-Jams

HELL YEAH

We’re playing a flute

HELL YEAH

We’re showing our sizes

The fucking surprise is

That yours hasn’t grown…

And then I hear my phone

B-DOUBLE-O-T-Y

It’s three over average girls

Calling three under average guys

We’re fucked up and we’re ready to play

We wanna do things we’ll regret the next day

B-DOUBLE-O-T-Y

It’s three over confident

Stereotypical cheerleader types

We’re fucked up and we wanna have fun

You could be the boys we regret when we’re done

HEY

NO! I wanna play sleeping lions

NO! I’m busy defending Zion

NO! There’s no point in calling ’cause I’ll never respond

The boys and me are getting tits from legally blonde

BOOTY, BOOTY

It’s just a booty call

BOOTY, BOOTY

Even if you’re boo-tee-full

HEY, HEY

It’s just a booty call

HEY, HEY

I’m not a booty call; I’m just a normal boy

I want to stay at home and play with all my toys

We are three boys

Not looking for three girls

My ring tones like a missile

Bringing war to my world

Cheese strings, party rings

Are my favorite things

Marshmallow with hot chocolate

Bitch we’re living like kings

NO! I wanna have cheese pepperoni

NO! I wanna play my little pony

NO! I don’t wanna ho, I want a chocolate fountain

Whilst we snuggle up to watch Brokeback Mountain

BOOTY, BOOTY

It’s just a booty call

BOOTY, BOOTY

Even if you’re boo-tee-full

HEY, HEY

It’s just a booty call

HEY, HEY

BOOTY, BOOTY

It’s just a booty call

BOOTY, BOOTY

Even if you’re boo-tee-full

HEY, HEY

It’s just a booty call

HEY, HEY

The Midnight Beast Butt Dial

She’s tweeting me love hearts

And telling everyone she knows

Changed her relationship status

And calling all my other girls hoes

You thought my love was getting back in touch

When you missed my call

But it was just a butt dial, it was just a butt dial

Popped up in ya missed calls list

She couldn’t believe it,

You thought I forgot you existed

Our love had drifted, I must have missed it

Why else would my calls have been coming in so persistent?

You fantasize why I called you up

Maybe I saw sense, realized that I fucked it up

And want you back, how sweet is that?

But you were unaware

I had dialed ya digits, with my derriere

‘Cause at 4am you were sound asleep

It takes the cheek, that I would be dialing you with my bum cheeks

Ya thought I wanted a deep chat

Little did ya know that

I’d hit ya number with my butt crack

I hate to tell ya through song

But this asshole’s been leading you on

This asshole’s been leading you on

She’s tweeting me love hearts

And telling everyone she knows

Changed her relationship status

And calling all my other girls hoes

You thought my love was getting back in touch

When you missed my call

But it was just a butt dial, it was just a butt dial

Baby girl, here’s the thing

If you’re like most other girls

You’ll expect a ring, and you got one

But not the sort that you thought you’d be getting

Sorry if my tone’s upsetting

Do you get it? I said tone like a ringtone

I guess we were engaged in a way

Meaning my butt to your mobile phone

It don’t know how to quit

I bet that you think that my butt is full of shhh…

(And it is… ’cause it’s a butt)

She’s tweeting me love hearts

And telling everyone she knows

Changed her relationship status

And calling all my other girls hoes

You thought my love was getting back in touch

When you missed my call

But it was just a butt dial, it was just a butt dial

You and my butt, could get married

And little butthole children, you could be carrying girl

There’s enough of me to go round

You’ll live in a house, in the countryside

You’ll look after the kids and my butt’ll provide for you girl

In a stable job like an accountant

Or a lawyer, or a doctor, or a dentist

She’s tweeting me love hearts

And telling everyone she knows

Changed her relationship status

And calling all my other girls hoes

We used to date and those times were great

And you gave good head

But it was just a butt dial, it was just a butt dial

The Midnight Beast Better Than Sex

Walking on the beach with you

Writing love songs in my room,

Candlelit dinner for two (that’s not better than)

Staying up to watch you sleep

Letting down your hair for me

Biting your lip seductively (that’s not better than)

Baby we could keep beating round the bush about this

But it’s pretty simple, you make me happy but-

That’s not better than sex

You’re making me a wreck

You’re kissing on my neck

That’s not better than

Movie nights and duvet days

Making out and playing games

Hickey marks and soppy names (that’s not better than)

Me and you skinny dipping

We’re on my laptop FaceTiming

You’re showing me a bit of skin (that’s not better than)

Look I’m falling in love with you

And we’ll probably get married someday, and that’s great n everything

That’s not better than sex

You’re making me a wreck

You’re kissing on my neck

But that’s not better than sex

You’re getting me obsessed

Sending me dirty texts

But that’s not better than sex

That’s not better than sex

That’s not better

My bottle shaken up, but you don’t give enough

You touch me, caress me, tie me up, undress me

We do stuff, in handcuffs, we film it, and play rough

We film it, and play rough and that’s cool

But that’s not better than sex

You’re making me a wreck

You’re kissing on my neck

But that’s not better than sex

You’re getting me obsessed

Sending me dirty texts

But that’s not better than sex

The first time I met your parents

That’s not better than sex

When I gave you the keys to my flat

That’s not better than sex

Watching you walk down the aisle

That’s not better than sex

The Midnight Beast Asstronaut

Turn on MTV, I see these

Ladies in small bikinis

Backwards reversing, I’m cursing

At the way that the cheeks be bursting

Out of that thong, it won’t be long

Till the bum more famous than the face it belongs to

Oh my god, look at her butt

I got a big fat ass… we know

Sorry to be cheeky, I gotta butt in

And ask a question

How’d we exclaim when their names got an ass-in

That’s just asking for trouble

Like Nicki Minass, iggy Azaeli-ass, kim kard-ass-ian

If you ratchet and you know it, clap yo ass

Watch that booty hit the floor

Baby I’m an asstronaut

Nicky I got tickeys

To go to your show

You taught me I’m bound to get found

If I act like a

You taught me my lovely lady lumps

Are the key to success

So I filled up my juicy booty

With the fat from my breasts

Watch that booty hit the floor

Baby I’m an asstronaut

Year of the booty… total eclipse

Land on you like a rocket ship

Gimme dat booty, gimme dat booty

Gimme dat booty, pirate booty

Year of the ass… total eclipse

Turn you round like a pancake flip

Gimme dat ass, gimme dat ass

Gimme dat ass, asstronaut

The Midnight Beast Bassface

Walk in the party like I smell a fart

The girlys can’t control their private parts

Facepalm the women they can’t get to me

Only one woman here I wanna see

Whisper ‘I wanna get inside of you’

(I wanna get inside of you)

She whispers back ooh ooh ooh

(At least that’s what I hear)

She says she wants to take this kind of slow

Then I’m riding her on the dance floor like a rodeo

If I’m going to be your boyfriend

I better put you in your place

‘Cause if you’re going to be my girlfriend

Party people in the place

I rock a pretty bad bassface

My little sister’s turning six today

She asked if I could be the house DJ

Mum got me a table in the V.I.P

I’m getting dollars and the coke is free

My little sister’s friends are party poops

So I put acid in the apple juice

I said to this girl ‘wanna do some dancing?’

Next thing we’re grinding to the Lion King

If I’m going to be your boyfriend

Let me lick your gorgeous face

But if you’re gonna be my girlfriend

I better warn you just in case

I got a pretty bad bassface

Someone, save me!

We don’t want a dead Dru Wakely

Guys be crazy when I rock a bassface to their lady

My bassface brings all the girls to the yard

And the boys get annoyed when their dicks get hard

The Midnight Beast Balls So Hard

Balls so hard,

Not a woman wanna ride me

Looking pretty fine

Class 99

[?] hoodie I wore all the time

Sexual peak

But no women wanna freak us

With the willy of a fetus

Looking back a joke,

But for some reason thinking I would [?]

Try’na smoke like a rasta

[*cough cough*] It’s cool it’s just my asthma

(Balls so hard)

Wanna be a gangsta like Al Capone

(Balls so hard)

But I’m more like bloody Bugsy Malone

My web history put dad in danger

After searching for a girl my age-a

Having sex dreams about the blue Power Ranger

(Dude, that ones the Boy)

Oh no

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Enter the earth

Geek is the word

With a voice higher than a baby bird

[?]

Rocking hair that should be worn on windows

Sexual limitation

More spots than a dalmatian

Level 80 keyboard fucking elf king

But I’m never touching an real skin

(Balls so hard)

Mum wanna know why my socks are crusty

(Balls so hard)

And my dad’s exhaust pipe’s gone all rusty

Not a porn star

I’m a horn star

Only hitting that as an avatar

Spacebar, spacebar, spacebar

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy,

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy,

Year six

Get a fix

[?]

Call me a perv?

Hypocrite

You’re the one with the support on your tits

When you bend down

Total Eclipse

Study the anatomy between your hips

I’ll be fine

It’s a crime

You’ll get the sack

I’ll empty mine

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

The Midnight Beast Camden Crawling

Last night I was walking down the road

I was struggling trying to find a happy place to go

When all of a sudden pops up a man

With a chicken samosa and beverage in hand

Funny old man with a gummy smile

With piss stained pants, he had no style

It was clear to me he had something to say

So we both stepped back and said take it away

Come one and all to a festival

I wanna teach you all about the Camden crawl

[S:] Right, so you’ve just gotta do a standard crawl

[D:] That’s all you do, literally on your hands and on your knees

[S:] Wow

[D:] Are you ready to crawl?

[A:] Not at all

[D:] Why not?

[A:] Because it’s a stupid idea!

[S:] I haven’t done that for ten years or something

[D:] Doesn’t matter, it’s like riding a bike

[S:] What and they build a whole festival around this?

[D:] Well yeah, it’s called the Camden crawl

This is the chorus, this’ll make you understand why you gotta crawl

[A:] I’m not getting on my hands and knees

[D:] You’ve got to

[A:] I’m not gonna do it

Crawl, through Camden

Throught Camden, crawl

It’s the place to be, with celebrities

Amy, Doherty on your hands and knees

Crawl, through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place for fans to see their favorite bands

Sugababes, Lostprophets on your knees and hands

So we’re at a gig still on all fours

But we can’t see shit kneeling on the floor

Our legs are sore and hands are in pain

What you guys doing, you look really gay

[A:] My hands are so dirty, they smell of like urine and poo

[D:] Come on guys, why’d you stop crawling?

[S:] My knees are bleeding, is it alright if I do the other kind of crawl?

[D:] Well that’s the… no… you can’t. You can’t do that.

[A:] This is the worst idea possible.

[D:] What you standing up for?

[D:] Well I was gonna enjoy, you know, the likes of the very special Sugababes

[A:] I love Sugababes!

[D:] …Plan B…

[A:] I love Sugababes! Don’t I say that everyday?

I go “I love Sugababes!”

[D:] Right, then get crawling mate

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place for I to get high on life

Hold hands, watch bands, we can touch the sky

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place to be with celebrities

Professor Green, Plan B, come and crawl with me

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

Come one and all to a festival

I wanna teach you all about the Camden crawl

The Midnight Beast Big Boys

We wrote a parody of a well-known track

And dicked around filming in my parents’ flat

Then put it on a well-known video site

And we got a million views in a night

Wasn’t it a billion?

I thought it was a trillion.

What the hell?

Let’s call it a squillion!

If you haven’t heard of us then wake up!

We’re the Midnight Beast

We like to say “Fuck”

Toured the UK and sold out some shows

Even though we didn’t think anybody would go

Then Channel 4 asked if we’d come in for a chat

And knocked us all out with a baseball bat

We woke up surrounded by staff

Telling us we’re funny and “You make us laugh!”

They pleaded and begged to make a beast show

Telling us they’d give us everything

But we said….

SURE

Big boys

Yeah, we’re big boys

We’re much bigger than small boys

‘Cause we’re big boys

Living in a big-boy world, a big-boy world, a big-boy world

We just moved out

To our very own flat on Channel 4

In our very own show on Channel 4

Then they explained we weren’t good enough for Channel 4

But we’d be on the subsidiary of Channel 4

E4! Wooh! It’s our new home!

But Made in Chelsea sucks!

Hey leave it alone!

We’re not bregging but our show’s the greatest show ever made

So thanks E4 for this lemonade

Big boys

Yeah, we’re big boys

We’re much bigger than small boys

‘Cause we’re big boys

Living in a big-boy world, a big-boy world, a big-boy world

(We just moved out)