The Midnight Beast Bassface

Walk in the party like I smell a fart

The girlys can’t control their private parts

Facepalm the women they can’t get to me

Only one woman here I wanna see

Whisper ‘I wanna get inside of you’

(I wanna get inside of you)

She whispers back ooh ooh ooh

(At least that’s what I hear)

She says she wants to take this kind of slow

Then I’m riding her on the dance floor like a rodeo

If I’m going to be your boyfriend

I better put you in your place

‘Cause if you’re going to be my girlfriend

Party people in the place

I rock a pretty bad bassface

My little sister’s turning six today

She asked if I could be the house DJ

Mum got me a table in the V.I.P

I’m getting dollars and the coke is free

My little sister’s friends are party poops

So I put acid in the apple juice

I said to this girl ‘wanna do some dancing?’

Next thing we’re grinding to the Lion King

If I’m going to be your boyfriend

Let me lick your gorgeous face

But if you’re gonna be my girlfriend

I better warn you just in case

I got a pretty bad bassface

Someone, save me!

We don’t want a dead Dru Wakely

Guys be crazy when I rock a bassface to their lady

My bassface brings all the girls to the yard

And the boys get annoyed when their dicks get hard

The Midnight Beast Balls So Hard

Balls so hard,

Not a woman wanna ride me

Looking pretty fine

Class 99

[?] hoodie I wore all the time

Sexual peak

But no women wanna freak us

With the willy of a fetus

Looking back a joke,

But for some reason thinking I would [?]

Try’na smoke like a rasta

[*cough cough*] It’s cool it’s just my asthma

(Balls so hard)

Wanna be a gangsta like Al Capone

(Balls so hard)

But I’m more like bloody Bugsy Malone

My web history put dad in danger

After searching for a girl my age-a

Having sex dreams about the blue Power Ranger

(Dude, that ones the Boy)

Oh no

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Enter the earth

Geek is the word

With a voice higher than a baby bird

[?]

Rocking hair that should be worn on windows

Sexual limitation

More spots than a dalmatian

Level 80 keyboard fucking elf king

But I’m never touching an real skin

(Balls so hard)

Mum wanna know why my socks are crusty

(Balls so hard)

And my dad’s exhaust pipe’s gone all rusty

Not a porn star

I’m a horn star

Only hitting that as an avatar

Spacebar, spacebar, spacebar

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy,

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy,

Year six

Get a fix

[?]

Call me a perv?

Hypocrite

You’re the one with the support on your tits

When you bend down

Total Eclipse

Study the anatomy between your hips

I’ll be fine

It’s a crime

You’ll get the sack

I’ll empty mine

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

Balls so hard

That shit, that shit crazy

The Midnight Beast Camden Crawling

Last night I was walking down the road

I was struggling trying to find a happy place to go

When all of a sudden pops up a man

With a chicken samosa and beverage in hand

Funny old man with a gummy smile

With piss stained pants, he had no style

It was clear to me he had something to say

So we both stepped back and said take it away

Come one and all to a festival

I wanna teach you all about the Camden crawl

[S:] Right, so you’ve just gotta do a standard crawl

[D:] That’s all you do, literally on your hands and on your knees

[S:] Wow

[D:] Are you ready to crawl?

[A:] Not at all

[D:] Why not?

[A:] Because it’s a stupid idea!

[S:] I haven’t done that for ten years or something

[D:] Doesn’t matter, it’s like riding a bike

[S:] What and they build a whole festival around this?

[D:] Well yeah, it’s called the Camden crawl

This is the chorus, this’ll make you understand why you gotta crawl

[A:] I’m not getting on my hands and knees

[D:] You’ve got to

[A:] I’m not gonna do it

Crawl, through Camden

Throught Camden, crawl

It’s the place to be, with celebrities

Amy, Doherty on your hands and knees

Crawl, through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place for fans to see their favorite bands

Sugababes, Lostprophets on your knees and hands

So we’re at a gig still on all fours

But we can’t see shit kneeling on the floor

Our legs are sore and hands are in pain

What you guys doing, you look really gay

[A:] My hands are so dirty, they smell of like urine and poo

[D:] Come on guys, why’d you stop crawling?

[S:] My knees are bleeding, is it alright if I do the other kind of crawl?

[D:] Well that’s the… no… you can’t. You can’t do that.

[A:] This is the worst idea possible.

[D:] What you standing up for?

[D:] Well I was gonna enjoy, you know, the likes of the very special Sugababes

[A:] I love Sugababes!

[D:] …Plan B…

[A:] I love Sugababes! Don’t I say that everyday?

I go “I love Sugababes!”

[D:] Right, then get crawling mate

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place for I to get high on life

Hold hands, watch bands, we can touch the sky

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

It’s the place to be with celebrities

Professor Green, Plan B, come and crawl with me

Crawl through Camden

Through Camden, crawl

Come one and all to a festival

I wanna teach you all about the Camden crawl

The Midnight Beast Big Boys

We wrote a parody of a well-known track

And dicked around filming in my parents’ flat

Then put it on a well-known video site

And we got a million views in a night

Wasn’t it a billion?

I thought it was a trillion.

What the hell?

Let’s call it a squillion!

If you haven’t heard of us then wake up!

We’re the Midnight Beast

We like to say “Fuck”

Toured the UK and sold out some shows

Even though we didn’t think anybody would go

Then Channel 4 asked if we’d come in for a chat

And knocked us all out with a baseball bat

We woke up surrounded by staff

Telling us we’re funny and “You make us laugh!”

They pleaded and begged to make a beast show

Telling us they’d give us everything

But we said….

SURE

Big boys

Yeah, we’re big boys

We’re much bigger than small boys

‘Cause we’re big boys

Living in a big-boy world, a big-boy world, a big-boy world

We just moved out

To our very own flat on Channel 4

In our very own show on Channel 4

Then they explained we weren’t good enough for Channel 4

But we’d be on the subsidiary of Channel 4

E4! Wooh! It’s our new home!

But Made in Chelsea sucks!

Hey leave it alone!

We’re not bregging but our show’s the greatest show ever made

So thanks E4 for this lemonade

Big boys

Yeah, we’re big boys

We’re much bigger than small boys

‘Cause we’re big boys

Living in a big-boy world, a big-boy world, a big-boy world

(We just moved out)