Jon Cozart Rip Vine: A Song

[Jon:] You know, Thomas, there is nothing you could’ve done.


How do I cope with this loss and this pain, Vine is now dead to me.

People would soak in me narrating a 6 second masterpiece.

Agony, beyond joking, don’t kid, when you 8 million fans, have to move to your Instagram vids.


Cooped up in L.A. I spent all my work days on painstaking art.

Meanwhile my frenemies grow 9 times as quickly with taco bell hauls,

Blah, blah, blah, blah-crunch, blah, blah.

Agony, far more painful than yours when to grow like you want, you must pander the middle schoolers.

[Both:] Agony, oh it hurts to the core!

[Jon:] What is as tiring,

[Thomas:] Or half so inspiring,

[Both:] As being ignored?

[Thomas:] Am I not talented with my impressions? My precious, Ms. Piggy, our family, I do the best Stewie, now where will they go?

[Jon:] You are everything Vine could have wished for!

[Thomas:] Oh, I know,

[Jon:] It died though,

[Thomas:] The platform is lost,

[Jon:] You know nothing of losing ’til you only get 2 million views on a vid, you know, should have gone viral meanwhile, its lists: blah trump! Blah candy! Blah late night! Blah roasting! Blah blah!

[Both:] Agony,

[Thomas:] Misery,

[Jon:] Woe,

[Both:] Though it’s different for each,

[Thomas:] Always seconds behind,

[Jon:] Always decades too old!

[Both:] And it’s just out of reach!

Agony, that can cut like a knife! Hello, YouTube. Bye, Vine!